So one thing I have learned from living in Japan these past 2 months is the fact that Japanese women have wound up being genetically superior to at least Americans, if not everyone else. Now I'm not saying they're more attractive (that's subjective), smarter (they may have better math scores, but have you heard some of their pop music or watched any of their TV?), or are in any real qualitative sense "better" than anyone else. What I am saying is that as someone of Japanese descent, I got cheated out of a bunch of their genes that somehow makes their very distinct look and presentation better able to weather the elements and the unexpected. I'm not sure how clear that is, but I have made a picture with which to better illustrate:
* In putting this together, I had to do a Google Image search for "Japanese woman," which as expected turned up a lot of pictures of scantily clad women. "Average Japanese woman" turns up results dominated by images of what I thought must be a robotic blow-up doll, but turned out to be a robot meant to model on the catwalk. Somehow that makes even less sense. Oh, and the first hit when searching for "American woman" - interestingly enough - is of Tyra Banks on the cover of Sports Illustrated, and the second is something that I dare not explain. I won't link here, but if you're really curious, I'm not stopping you.
1. The Hair. No matter how windy, hot and humid, or subject to the harshness of indoor heating their hair is, the 'do never seems to move. How on earth is that possible? By the time I reach school after my 10-minute walk from the station every morning, not a single hair is going in the same direction and when the wind is blowing from behind me, I look like the cowardly lion. And the summertime in Japan? Forget it. I was about 2 seconds away from just G.I. Jane-ing my head just so that I felt like I could breathe. I have to admit, though, that Japanese hair products are far superior to those sold in America: they work better, smell better, and don't cost all that much more. Plus they have that handy-dandy refill package system (i.e. I don't need to buy an actual bottle every time I need more shampoo or conditioner, which is often).
And seriously, I think Japanese women are all about their hair. Despite what I say, I don't spend all that much time on mine in the morning and some mornings it definitely shows. Japanese women, however, have all the dyes, straightening treatments (it still boggles my mind that a chemical straightening process came out of a country where most people have stick-straight hair), perms, hairsprays, and requisite scaffolding to hold their 'dos up. I still envy that by the time they have finished their morning commute they look like they haven't even broken a sweat, speaking of which...
2. The Make-up. For the life of me, I don't understand how Japanese women keep their faces looking completely matte or that perfect point before "dewiness" becomes "greasy." WHAT IS YOUR SECRET. I prefer not to inspect my face after a certain point in the day because I know I am reflecting the sun in my T-zone and my eyeshadow and eyeliner have creased into one runny mess. Do they use some kind of sealant in the morning? Even in the dead of Japanese summer women still have full faces of make-up (mine melts off the second I step out of any room with AC) and don't look like they stepped out of a Dali painting. Sure they have those small oil absorption cloths (if you ever want to feel like a filthy animal, see just how much stuff you pick-up off your face with one of these), but I am left to assume there is something in their skin's genetic make-up that makes it more accessible to, well, make-up.
There's also something very particular about the way Japanese women do their make-up, at least when they're on their way to work. Since I've observed random women on my way to school (<-- creepy), I am now an expert. Their faces are always very matte (presumably a combination of foundation and powder), black eyeliner and some kind of paler eyeshadow are their colors of choice (though really, people should lay off the black liner. It doesn't do near as good a job as say a purple, green, grey, blue or brown. Black is generally too harsh and makes you look old), mascara, a stronger blush and a fairly matte, reddish-lip. The whole effect is very 2-dimensional and contrasts sharply with the kinds of make-up tips you will get from Americans, which is all about contours and shading that emphasizes/minimizes. Of course styles are changing, but this is generally what I see when I get on the train in the morning. It probably says something about my own level of self-consciousness, but I feel like the way I do my face should be a dead give-away that I am not actually Japanese. Even from the way younger women do their make-up (big eyelashes - possibly falsies - lots of black liner, pink blush, and super glossy lips), I still look much different. And then of course there are the ganguro, which is a whole other story.
3. Sweat. "Orientals do not sweat like *us*." So says John Lennon, so it must be true (joking! Lennon is not my favorite and I may become homicidal the next time someone treats "Imagine" as though it's saying something profound. Imagine there is no "Imagine" is all I have to say). But seriously, I do not even know how to shop for deodorant in this country. Does it even exist? From what I've heard, there's stuff that literally de-odorizes you, but is not an antiperspirant. Deodorant shopping once yielded a 1,000 yen (with endaka, that makes it about $300... no seriously, more like $11 or $12) stick of something that was only slightly larger than a tube of chapstick. How is this even possible? Again, back to Japanese summers, there cannot possibly be a single person on this earth who would not sweat on a 95+ degree day with 80% humidity. I just can't accept it. I don't understand how they can do without! I wouldn't have any friends if I went sans Secret. I know what I'm getting for Christmas this year.
4. Clothes. More specifically, their skirts. It is nigh impossible to wear a skirt walking around Yokohama (think: ocean breezes) without accidentally showing off the goods. I say "nigh" because I have never seen a Japanese woman struggle with this. I've never seen one yelp as their hem flips up a little, or seen them awkwardly try to hold their skirt down as their walking around. And considering how short and flouncy their skirts can be, it's all the more impressive. I've only worn skirts once or twice, and it's put me off the idea of wearing them again because I end up feeling more awkward than I already do.
But the one thing Japanese women can't avoid: those long-ass escalators. You know someone down below is looking up.
5. Shoes. Most Japanese women wear some kind of heel or dressy flat, though there are still a fair number in sneakers (particularly Converse for some reason). It seems like most working women have a staple pair of black, 1-2" square-toed shoes. It's pretty funny if you ever see 2 or 3 women sitting next to each on the train and they all seem to be wearing the same pair of shoes. Anyway, I completely understand the appeal of a heel; used to be a big fan of them myself (my shoe closet was enviable) before I decided to mangle my ankle and now I live in fear of anything that so much ask makes me lose a little bit of balance in my right foot. And yet I still run, go figure. But I also understand how much those fuckers can hurt, and watching Japanese women run up and down flights of stairs in 3 or 4" heels makes the balls of my feet ache. But I suppose women all around America (oh hai, New York) do this. However, what is insane is that they are somehow able to wear leather, 4" heels in the summer (there it is again... I hate the Japanese summer that much). The times I've tried to do that, my feet begin to sweat which destroys traction and makes your feet slip and slide all over your shoes to dangerous effect. I've certainly stepped out of my shoes more than once; it's like my feet were making a run for it. My conclusion is that Japanese women either have no sense of pain, or were born with feet like a Barbie doll.
There's also a very distinct way of standing as a Japanese woman: that pigeon-toed, knees-all-akimbo stance. I'm not sure what this body language indicates, but I do know that some days I really just want to straighten their legs out
6. Skin. My evidence here is tenuous and comes as a result of shopping for body lotion. In the wintertime lotion is an absolute necessity for me because the indoor heating just wreaks havoc on my skin's moisture and I feel like a molting snake (<-- attractive). However, buying lotion is absurdly expensive. Vaseline here costs about $8 for a bottle about a 1/3 of the size of what you can get in the US for $4. And at least in pursuing the shelf of lotions, none of them seemed to be made in Japan and were imports from either the US or Europe. I know there are plenty of facial moisturizers around here, but is body lotion really that rare? Do Japanese women have some kind of freak internal skin quality control panel that allows them to sufficiently moisturize their bodies but also keep their faces from ever getting greasy?? It just seems grossly unfair. So that's all I've got. I'll need to do some more field research, and I'm only 1/2 kidding on that because I would be interested to find out what goes into the beauty ritual of a Japanese woman about my age. I know mine is a pain in the ass (and damned expensive), and I have to wonder how my Japanese counterparts have to suffer in the morning to slap on some war paint, a helmet of hair and face the day. But in the end, I still feel like I am holding myself together with spray paint, duct tape and WD40. My conclusion is that Japanese women are somehow superhuman. I can't make sense of it otherwise.
Oh, and I made another picture, look!
As if I could have resisted this meme. Also, I may have to steal from something I read earlier and name my first corgi "Nugget."
And seriously, I think Japanese women are all about their hair. Despite what I say, I don't spend all that much time on mine in the morning and some mornings it definitely shows. Japanese women, however, have all the dyes, straightening treatments (it still boggles my mind that a chemical straightening process came out of a country where most people have stick-straight hair), perms, hairsprays, and requisite scaffolding to hold their 'dos up. I still envy that by the time they have finished their morning commute they look like they haven't even broken a sweat, speaking of which...
2. The Make-up. For the life of me, I don't understand how Japanese women keep their faces looking completely matte or that perfect point before "dewiness" becomes "greasy." WHAT IS YOUR SECRET. I prefer not to inspect my face after a certain point in the day because I know I am reflecting the sun in my T-zone and my eyeshadow and eyeliner have creased into one runny mess. Do they use some kind of sealant in the morning? Even in the dead of Japanese summer women still have full faces of make-up (mine melts off the second I step out of any room with AC) and don't look like they stepped out of a Dali painting. Sure they have those small oil absorption cloths (if you ever want to feel like a filthy animal, see just how much stuff you pick-up off your face with one of these), but I am left to assume there is something in their skin's genetic make-up that makes it more accessible to, well, make-up.
There's also something very particular about the way Japanese women do their make-up, at least when they're on their way to work. Since I've observed random women on my way to school (<-- creepy), I am now an expert. Their faces are always very matte (presumably a combination of foundation and powder), black eyeliner and some kind of paler eyeshadow are their colors of choice (though really, people should lay off the black liner. It doesn't do near as good a job as say a purple, green, grey, blue or brown. Black is generally too harsh and makes you look old), mascara, a stronger blush and a fairly matte, reddish-lip. The whole effect is very 2-dimensional and contrasts sharply with the kinds of make-up tips you will get from Americans, which is all about contours and shading that emphasizes/minimizes. Of course styles are changing, but this is generally what I see when I get on the train in the morning. It probably says something about my own level of self-consciousness, but I feel like the way I do my face should be a dead give-away that I am not actually Japanese. Even from the way younger women do their make-up (big eyelashes - possibly falsies - lots of black liner, pink blush, and super glossy lips), I still look much different. And then of course there are the ganguro, which is a whole other story.
3. Sweat. "Orientals do not sweat like *us*." So says John Lennon, so it must be true (joking! Lennon is not my favorite and I may become homicidal the next time someone treats "Imagine" as though it's saying something profound. Imagine there is no "Imagine" is all I have to say). But seriously, I do not even know how to shop for deodorant in this country. Does it even exist? From what I've heard, there's stuff that literally de-odorizes you, but is not an antiperspirant. Deodorant shopping once yielded a 1,000 yen (with endaka, that makes it about $300... no seriously, more like $11 or $12) stick of something that was only slightly larger than a tube of chapstick. How is this even possible? Again, back to Japanese summers, there cannot possibly be a single person on this earth who would not sweat on a 95+ degree day with 80% humidity. I just can't accept it. I don't understand how they can do without! I wouldn't have any friends if I went sans Secret. I know what I'm getting for Christmas this year.
4. Clothes. More specifically, their skirts. It is nigh impossible to wear a skirt walking around Yokohama (think: ocean breezes) without accidentally showing off the goods. I say "nigh" because I have never seen a Japanese woman struggle with this. I've never seen one yelp as their hem flips up a little, or seen them awkwardly try to hold their skirt down as their walking around. And considering how short and flouncy their skirts can be, it's all the more impressive. I've only worn skirts once or twice, and it's put me off the idea of wearing them again because I end up feeling more awkward than I already do.
But the one thing Japanese women can't avoid: those long-ass escalators. You know someone down below is looking up.
5. Shoes. Most Japanese women wear some kind of heel or dressy flat, though there are still a fair number in sneakers (particularly Converse for some reason). It seems like most working women have a staple pair of black, 1-2" square-toed shoes. It's pretty funny if you ever see 2 or 3 women sitting next to each on the train and they all seem to be wearing the same pair of shoes. Anyway, I completely understand the appeal of a heel; used to be a big fan of them myself (my shoe closet was enviable) before I decided to mangle my ankle and now I live in fear of anything that so much ask makes me lose a little bit of balance in my right foot. And yet I still run, go figure. But I also understand how much those fuckers can hurt, and watching Japanese women run up and down flights of stairs in 3 or 4" heels makes the balls of my feet ache. But I suppose women all around America (oh hai, New York) do this. However, what is insane is that they are somehow able to wear leather, 4" heels in the summer (there it is again... I hate the Japanese summer that much). The times I've tried to do that, my feet begin to sweat which destroys traction and makes your feet slip and slide all over your shoes to dangerous effect. I've certainly stepped out of my shoes more than once; it's like my feet were making a run for it. My conclusion is that Japanese women either have no sense of pain, or were born with feet like a Barbie doll.
There's also a very distinct way of standing as a Japanese woman: that pigeon-toed, knees-all-akimbo stance. I'm not sure what this body language indicates, but I do know that some days I really just want to straighten their legs out
6. Skin. My evidence here is tenuous and comes as a result of shopping for body lotion. In the wintertime lotion is an absolute necessity for me because the indoor heating just wreaks havoc on my skin's moisture and I feel like a molting snake (<-- attractive). However, buying lotion is absurdly expensive. Vaseline here costs about $8 for a bottle about a 1/3 of the size of what you can get in the US for $4. And at least in pursuing the shelf of lotions, none of them seemed to be made in Japan and were imports from either the US or Europe. I know there are plenty of facial moisturizers around here, but is body lotion really that rare? Do Japanese women have some kind of freak internal skin quality control panel that allows them to sufficiently moisturize their bodies but also keep their faces from ever getting greasy?? It just seems grossly unfair. So that's all I've got. I'll need to do some more field research, and I'm only 1/2 kidding on that because I would be interested to find out what goes into the beauty ritual of a Japanese woman about my age. I know mine is a pain in the ass (and damned expensive), and I have to wonder how my Japanese counterparts have to suffer in the morning to slap on some war paint, a helmet of hair and face the day. But in the end, I still feel like I am holding myself together with spray paint, duct tape and WD40. My conclusion is that Japanese women are somehow superhuman. I can't make sense of it otherwise.
Oh, and I made another picture, look!
As if I could have resisted this meme. Also, I may have to steal from something I read earlier and name my first corgi "Nugget."
1. The Hair. Answer: Pre-set your hair with large rolls + Aquanet. I've known of this for years and I'm too lazy to do it.
ReplyDelete3. Sweat. There's something to what you say. Obvs, I'm not Japanese but I don't sweat much, and if I do, it's nothing baking soda/baby powder can't fix. If it's that hot I'd be wearing light colored clothes so it won't show.
4. Clothes. Answer: You can attach a clippy thing to keep your skirt together, much like those clip loops you use to keep your bra strap in place. These used to be on a lot of clothes, but have since disappeared. Alternatively, use a skirt garter clip. I've learned these tricks since I started biking more.
5. Shoes. Answer: (1) Those stockings that only come up to the end of your toes and low on your heel. Or those toe stockings that you find at shoe stores. (2) Again, powder your feet to minimize sweat. (3) Well-placed band-aids. (4) Pre-placed Dr. Scholls.
The rest: Unfortunately you're on your own. I'm still trying to figure out the answers.
Oh yeah, as for skin, Japanese women use baby oil (olive oil can be used as a substitute). I learned this from my aunt who was the first trained Shiseido lady in Taiwan. She's crazy about that stuff.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad someone else imagines a world without Imagine.
ReplyDeleteAs for sweat, I have been told that the meat content in Western diets makes us stinky. I don't have scientific verification, but I think I smelled less when living in Japan. Not enough to forgo deoderant of course.