Using a Japanese textbook for the first time since probably college has reminded me that you come to hate the characters that appear in all the conversations. Once you get past 3rd-year Japanese you have learned the most important grammar you will need and it seems like most teachers move beyond textbooks to compiling their own reading material from magazines, newspapers, short stories, etc. It's a lot more fun that way as well since you get a range of things to work on and discuss, as opposed to mundane drills and review sections that come along with using a textbook.
Right now I think a good portion of IUC is using the same Introduction to Advanced Spoken Japanese textbook, and it's meant to reinforce all of the basics we should have learned up until this point and getting us to use these grammatical structures in more practical settings. We do presentations (or 発表, happyou, in Japanese, a word whose romaji spelling reminds me that this is definitely not something that ever makes me particularly happy) if not everyday, at least 3 or 4 times a week. They're never anything very large, such as my frustrations with not having overstuffed my luggage with mementos; in fact today we just did our first substantial presentation on interviews we conducted with our teachers (I will remind you of my Sisyphean struggle from earlier this week), and I think it went well. Anyone who has ever taken a Japanese class with me knows that I fear and despise having to speak for an extended period in class, but with just the sheer quantity of presentations we have to make, it's either I live in a constant state of anxiety over something that lasts about 2-3 minutes or just getting the fuck over it already. I think I've started taking the latter path, much to my own relief.
So anyway, the format to a lot of these textbooks is to introduce a new conversation in each chapter, and as a way of developing some kind of a "narrative" they use the same characters, usually an American who sounds startlingly like an actual Japanese person who is abroad for work or school. Anyone who as ever used Integrated Approach to Intermediate Japanese will recall the shrill Carol Baker with her overly enthusiastic aisatsu (greetings) and wanting to smack her every time she spoke... Or at least I did. They interact with other Japanese people and Americans that also sound like Japanese people, and ask really obvious questions and get all worked up over nothing. One of the conversations I remember most from the Intermediate Japanese book was due to its irony: it was of an American (Susan) who goes to her teacher and complains that her placement level is much too high in perfect Japanese. Shut your yap, Susan-san, we all just want to speak the way you do.
This time around we've got Smith-san (the go-to name if you want to basically draw an arrow at their head that says AMERICAN), who works at some kind of trading company with Gouto-san (a Japanese dude that is Smith-san's secret wife, but I'll get to that in a second) and Sakamoto-san (the resident wet blanket). He also knows White-san (another standard American name... just waiting for there to be a Johnson or Brown and we're good to go) for some inexplicable reason, probably because all white people in Japan know each other (true fact).
And I hate the whole lot of them. Naturally the point of these textbooks is not to write a story, but rather to cram as many grammar points as possible into a conversation, and as a result, the characters either sound like morons or whiny ninnies. There are also a lot of awkward moments and it is easy to read everything as an ambiguous expression of romantic interest. Oftentimes it's just a man and a woman talking together, and since we all know men and women cannot be friends, you know they have to be on a date. It just makes it all the more confusing when Smith gets White and Sakamoto together with him for dinner, and now they're on a 4-day trip together to Kansai. I'm just going to assume that they real purpose is not to see Kinkakuji, but rather to take a tour of Kansai's love hotels.
I'm getting ahead of myself. Since I hate this group, it's a lot more fun to come up with a narrative to fit between the lines of dialogue to give me something to riff on. Clearly I have way too much time on my hands. The story centers on Smith as we first meet him when he's taking his garbage out on the wrong day (READ THE SIGNS BUB), and the small (but needling) questions he has about day-to-day life. He's the lead character and has the personality of a piece of soggy white bread. I can't remember a single time anyone has ever cracked a joke in this book: all we get are complaints or vague suggestions. If he's got a question, he usually goes to Gouto or Sakamoto; I don't know about you, but I never would ask the people I worked with anything outside of the office. Once it 5 o'clock, I didn't want to see those people again until 9am the next morning, and I'm sure they thought the same thing about me.
But Gouto harbors a secret yearning to be something more to Smith... or perhaps "yens" is a more appropriate word here if I want to be more punny. When Smith gets sick and stays home from work with a cold, Gotou goes over to check on his love and urges him to eat despite having no appetite like an old Japanese housewife. Then he goes a-calling at Smith's landlady's to learn how to make okayu (rice porridge) so that his dear Smith can rest and get his strength up. I mean honestly, what kind of co-worker does that? Dude has a cold. There is only one type of person who would kick up such a fuss, and so the only conclusion to draw here is that Gotou just wants Smith to make an honest woman out of him.
There was also White's awkward quasi-date with Tanaka-san, who called her up to invite her to go see a movie with him, Smith, Fukushima and Kato, and though she protests politely, he insists she come. Of course, when we catch up with them after the movie, it's only her and Tanaka, and we are left to assume that Smith, Fukushima and Kato probably knew Tanaka was asking White out and are probably out together getting drunk at an izakaya, toasting to their bro. Tanaka proceeded to make it really awkward when he gets in a huff about the fact White has already been to a coffee shop he recommends, and when she (in an attempt to be agreeable) says "oh yes, their cheesecake was delicious!" he immediately contradicts her with a "I thought it wasn't disgusting tasting..." Don't argue with a woman about cheesecake, dumbass, rule number one. Check your manual. White (again in an attempt to make some kind of pleasant conversation) starts saying flattering things about the movie and how some of the scenes were very moving, Tanaka says no, the movie was rather mediocre and pedestrian (because you know, he is of very discerning taste) and that the ending was totally manufactured, as is the style of this particular director. When she counters that "oh but in the end, it's still good the way it was, right?" he's like, "yeah, I guess since you're so dumb it makes the story easier to understand." I'm sure the reason there is no conversation to follow this up is because Tanaka did not take White home that night.
And so now White, Sakamoto and Smith are out on a long weekend trip, and thus far all they've done is complain. They've apparently gotten lost on their way to Kinkakuji, and that's where the whining begins.
White: Who's the jerk who said "just leave it to me?"!
Sakamoto: It probably would've been better if we'd gotten on the bus, right? Let's go ask at that store over there.
White: Pfft, Smith get your ass over there. You made us walk all this way. While you're at it, go and get a rickshaw so you can carry me the rest of the way.
Look, I made a flowchart with which to better illustrate! Also for those of you who don't want to hear me ramble on for several pages about fictional people and their fictional relationships.
Click on the picture for a close-up of my inane dialogue boxes
I think that's how it went. I'm pretty sick of these characters, and I still have 4 more chapters until the end of this book in which to hope they all contract laryngitis. Again, I understand these books as a pedagogic tool, but I will be able to live a happy life if I never again have to read about the adventures of Smith-san and infinite army of extended family as their reign of blandness takes over every school and office in Japan.
So anyway, the format to a lot of these textbooks is to introduce a new conversation in each chapter, and as a way of developing some kind of a "narrative" they use the same characters, usually an American who sounds startlingly like an actual Japanese person who is abroad for work or school. Anyone who as ever used Integrated Approach to Intermediate Japanese will recall the shrill Carol Baker with her overly enthusiastic aisatsu (greetings) and wanting to smack her every time she spoke... Or at least I did. They interact with other Japanese people and Americans that also sound like Japanese people, and ask really obvious questions and get all worked up over nothing. One of the conversations I remember most from the Intermediate Japanese book was due to its irony: it was of an American (Susan) who goes to her teacher and complains that her placement level is much too high in perfect Japanese. Shut your yap, Susan-san, we all just want to speak the way you do.
This time around we've got Smith-san (the go-to name if you want to basically draw an arrow at their head that says AMERICAN), who works at some kind of trading company with Gouto-san (a Japanese dude that is Smith-san's secret wife, but I'll get to that in a second) and Sakamoto-san (the resident wet blanket). He also knows White-san (another standard American name... just waiting for there to be a Johnson or Brown and we're good to go) for some inexplicable reason, probably because all white people in Japan know each other (true fact).
And I hate the whole lot of them. Naturally the point of these textbooks is not to write a story, but rather to cram as many grammar points as possible into a conversation, and as a result, the characters either sound like morons or whiny ninnies. There are also a lot of awkward moments and it is easy to read everything as an ambiguous expression of romantic interest. Oftentimes it's just a man and a woman talking together, and since we all know men and women cannot be friends, you know they have to be on a date. It just makes it all the more confusing when Smith gets White and Sakamoto together with him for dinner, and now they're on a 4-day trip together to Kansai. I'm just going to assume that they real purpose is not to see Kinkakuji, but rather to take a tour of Kansai's love hotels.
I'm getting ahead of myself. Since I hate this group, it's a lot more fun to come up with a narrative to fit between the lines of dialogue to give me something to riff on. Clearly I have way too much time on my hands. The story centers on Smith as we first meet him when he's taking his garbage out on the wrong day (READ THE SIGNS BUB), and the small (but needling) questions he has about day-to-day life. He's the lead character and has the personality of a piece of soggy white bread. I can't remember a single time anyone has ever cracked a joke in this book: all we get are complaints or vague suggestions. If he's got a question, he usually goes to Gouto or Sakamoto; I don't know about you, but I never would ask the people I worked with anything outside of the office. Once it 5 o'clock, I didn't want to see those people again until 9am the next morning, and I'm sure they thought the same thing about me.
But Gouto harbors a secret yearning to be something more to Smith... or perhaps "yens" is a more appropriate word here if I want to be more punny. When Smith gets sick and stays home from work with a cold, Gotou goes over to check on his love and urges him to eat despite having no appetite like an old Japanese housewife. Then he goes a-calling at Smith's landlady's to learn how to make okayu (rice porridge) so that his dear Smith can rest and get his strength up. I mean honestly, what kind of co-worker does that? Dude has a cold. There is only one type of person who would kick up such a fuss, and so the only conclusion to draw here is that Gotou just wants Smith to make an honest woman out of him.
There was also White's awkward quasi-date with Tanaka-san, who called her up to invite her to go see a movie with him, Smith, Fukushima and Kato, and though she protests politely, he insists she come. Of course, when we catch up with them after the movie, it's only her and Tanaka, and we are left to assume that Smith, Fukushima and Kato probably knew Tanaka was asking White out and are probably out together getting drunk at an izakaya, toasting to their bro. Tanaka proceeded to make it really awkward when he gets in a huff about the fact White has already been to a coffee shop he recommends, and when she (in an attempt to be agreeable) says "oh yes, their cheesecake was delicious!" he immediately contradicts her with a "I thought it wasn't disgusting tasting..." Don't argue with a woman about cheesecake, dumbass, rule number one. Check your manual. White (again in an attempt to make some kind of pleasant conversation) starts saying flattering things about the movie and how some of the scenes were very moving, Tanaka says no, the movie was rather mediocre and pedestrian (because you know, he is of very discerning taste) and that the ending was totally manufactured, as is the style of this particular director. When she counters that "oh but in the end, it's still good the way it was, right?" he's like, "yeah, I guess since you're so dumb it makes the story easier to understand." I'm sure the reason there is no conversation to follow this up is because Tanaka did not take White home that night.
And so now White, Sakamoto and Smith are out on a long weekend trip, and thus far all they've done is complain. They've apparently gotten lost on their way to Kinkakuji, and that's where the whining begins.
White: Who's the jerk who said "just leave it to me?"!
Sakamoto: It probably would've been better if we'd gotten on the bus, right? Let's go ask at that store over there.
White: Pfft, Smith get your ass over there. You made us walk all this way. While you're at it, go and get a rickshaw so you can carry me the rest of the way.
Look, I made a flowchart with which to better illustrate! Also for those of you who don't want to hear me ramble on for several pages about fictional people and their fictional relationships.
Click on the picture for a close-up of my inane dialogue boxes
Update: that jerk Smith was able to extend his vacation time, but left Sakamoto in the lurch so that he could go to Nara. I expect something really passive aggressive from Sakamoto whenever it is Smith gets back to work.
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